EXAMPLE OF SPOOF TEXT

LOVING MONEY TOO MUCH

There was a man who liked money very much. He worked all of his life and wanted to save all of his money for his own future. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything.
Even, just before he died, he said to his wife; "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he asked his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day, he really died. Then he was stretched out in the casket. The wife was sitting there in black clothes next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box in her hands. She came over with the box and placed it in the casket. After that the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Not long after that, her friend said, "I hope you were not crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
The wife turned to her friend and replied; "Yes, because I have promised." Then she continued; "I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." Feeling shocked, her friend said; "You mean that you have put every cent of his money in the casket with him?" Then the wife answered; "Surely I did. I got it all together, put all the money into my account and I just wrote him a check."

The Boss and The Trainee

A Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No", replied the Managing Director. "Thats Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!

PRIVATE CONVERSATION

Last week I went to the theatre. I had a very good seat. The play was very interesting.I did not enjoy it. A young man and a young woman were sitting behind me. They were talking very loudly.I got very angry. I could not hear the actors. I turned around. I looked at the man and the young woman angrily. They did not pay any attention.In the end, I could not bear it. I turned around again. “I could not hear a word” I said angrily.“It’s none of your business” the young man said rudely. “This is a private conversation”

(From: English New Concept)

THAT PHONE IS OFF !

Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.

Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.

“It must be my first customer” Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country.

The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; “I am from the telephone company and I was sent here to connect your telephone”

IT’S TIME to GO to SCHOOL

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

(Taken from: www.rd.com/)

EXAMPLE OF SPOOF TEXT

LOVING MONEY TOO MUCH

There was a man who liked money very much. He worked all of his life and wanted to save all of his money for his own future. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything.
Even, just before he died, he said to his wife; "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he asked his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day, he really died. Then he was stretched out in the casket. The wife was sitting there in black clothes next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box in her hands. She came over with the box and placed it in the casket. After that the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Not long after that, her friend said, "I hope you were not crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
The wife turned to her friend and replied; "Yes, because I have promised." Then she continued; "I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." Feeling shocked, her friend said; "You mean that you have put every cent of his money in the casket with him?" Then the wife answered; "Surely I did. I got it all together, put all the money into my account and I just wrote him a check."

The Boss and The Trainee

A Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No", replied the Managing Director. "Thats Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!

PRIVATE CONVERSATION

Last week I went to the theatre. I had a very good seat. The play was very interesting.I did not enjoy it. A young man and a young woman were sitting behind me. They were talking very loudly.I got very angry. I could not hear the actors. I turned around. I looked at the man and the young woman angrily. They did not pay any attention.In the end, I could not bear it. I turned around again. “I could not hear a word” I said angrily.“It’s none of your business” the young man said rudely. “This is a private conversation”

(From: English New Concept)

THAT PHONE IS OFF !

Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.

Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.

“It must be my first customer” Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country.

The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; “I am from the telephone company and I was sent here to connect your telephone”

IT’S TIME to GO to SCHOOL

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

(Taken from: www.rd.com/)

EXAMPLE OF REPORT TEXT

A PLATYPUS

Many people call platypus duckbill because this animal has a bill like duckbill. Platypus is a native Tasmania and southern and eastern Australia.
Platypus has a flat tail and webbed feet. Its body length is 30 to 45 cm and covered with a thick, and woolly layer of fur. Its bill is detecting prey and stirring up mud. Platypus' eyes and head are small. It has no ears but has ability to sense sound and light.
Platypus lives in streams, rivers, and lakes. Female platypus usually dig burrows in the streams or river banks. The burrows are blocked with soil to protect it from intruders and flooding. In the other hand, male platypus does not need any burrow to stay.

EXAMPLE OF REPORT TEXT ABOUT MANGROVE TREES

A mangrove is a tropical marine tree. Mangroves have special aerial roots and salt-filtering tap roots which enable them to thrive in brackish water. Brackish water is salty but not as salty as sea water. Mangrove trees are commonly planted and found in coastal areas. Mangroves can serve as walls of protection for natural disaster in coastal area like tsunami . According to BBC News, healthy mangrove forests had helped save lives in the Asia disaster tsunami and people tended to respect these natural barriers even more, especially after the tsunami.
There are several species of mangrove tree found all over the world. Some prefer more salinity, while others like to be very-close to a large fresh water source such as river. Some prefer areas that are sheltered from waves. Some species have their roots covered with sea water every day during high tide. Other species grow on dry land but are still part of the ecosystem. The Times of India reported that rare species of mangrove had been found and was also known as the looking-glass tree, probably because the leaves are silver-coated.
Mangroves need to keep their trunk and leave above the surface of the water. Yet they also need to be firmly attached to the ground so they are not moved by waves.
Any part of root that appears above the water flows oxygen to the plant under water surface. as the soil begin to build up, these roots procedure additional roots that become embedded in the soil.

KINDS OF EARTHQUAKE

Earthquake often happens around us. It brings great damages. Earthquake is hard to be predicted and that makes lot victims.

Actually there are three kinds of earthquake. This kinds of earthquake are commonly base on the factor and geological area where the earthquakes happen. These three kinds of earthquake are tectonic, volcanic and explosion.

Tectonic earthquakes is most common one. This kind of earthquake happens while earth's crust rocks break because of the geological strength created by moving of the earth's plates. Volcanic earthquakes happen exactly with volcanic activity. Volcanic earthquakes are when the volcano produces acidic lava, which drys quickly, when it drys quickly it blocks the top of the volcano. This make no more magma can escape. Pressure starts to build up and eventually the acidic lava can no longer stand the pressure. So the volcano is free to explode, the pressure is released so fast that an earthquake is caused. A volcanic earthquake is usually kept within 10-20 miles of the volcano.Explosion earthquakes are the result of the collapse earthquakes that are small earthquakes occurring in underground mines and caverns.

HUMAN BODY ENERGY

The energy value of food is usually measured in calories. A calorie is the amount of heat which is required to raise the temperature of 1 kg of water by 1 degree C. The number of calories which people need per day varies. It depends on the activity which the people are involved in. For example; people will need more calories for standing than for sitting, people need more for running than for walking, etc.
The energy which is provided by food is in the form of three kinds of chemical substances. They are carbohydrate, protein and fat. Carbohydrate provides 8.8 calories per gram (cal/gm) of energy, protein 4.0 cal/gm and fat 8.0 cal/gm. Each food contains different proportion of these substances.These three chemical substances are all important for body staying healthy.

EXAMPLE OF NARRATIVE TEXT PART 3 ^_^

Narrative Story in a Farmer and a Box

Once time, there was a poor farmer. He lived with his wife. One day, he dug up his field and found a big box. He then kept it in their house.
One sunny morning, his wife dropped an apple in the box. Suddenly, the box begun filled with apples. No matter how many apples were taken out,  more apples took place in the box.
One day, the framer dropped a gold coin into that box. At once, apples disappeared and the box begun filled up with gold coins. Soon the farmer became rich.
Having heard that his son got rich, the framer's father visited the couple. His father was not very strong. He could not go out to work anymore. So the farmer asked his old father to help him take the gold coins out of the box.
His father worked hard, took the gold coins out of the box. When he told that he was very tired and wanted to have a rest, the farmer shouted at him; "Why are you so lazy? Why can't you work harder?. The old man said nothing and continued to work. Suddenly the old man fell into the box, he died.  At once the gold coins disappeared and the box begun filled up with dead men.
The framer had to pull out and burried. To do this, the farmer had to spend all the money which he had collected before. When he had used up all his money, the box broke. The farmer  was just as poor as before.

THE STORY OF LAKE TOBA

Once upon a time, there was a man who was living in north Sumatra. He lived in a simple hut in a farming field. The did some gardening and fishing for his daily life.
One day, while the man was do fishing, he caught a big golden fish in his trap. It was the biggest catch which he ever had in his life. Surprisingly, this fish turned into a beautiful princess. He felt in love with her and proposed her to be his wife. She said; "Yes, but you have to promise not to tell anyone about the secret that I was once a fish, otherwise there will be a huge disaster". The man made the deal and they got married, lived happily and had a daughter.
Few years later, this daughter would help bringing lunch to her father out in the fields. One day, his daughter was so hungry and she ate his father’s lunch. Unfortunately, he found out and got furious, and shouted; “You damned daughter of a fish”. The daughter ran home and asked her mother. The mother started crying, felt sad that her husband had broke his promise.
Then she told her daughter to run up the hills because a huge disaster was about to come. When her daughter left, she prayed. Soon there was a big earthquake followed by non-stop pouring rain. The whole area got flooded and became Toba Lake. She turned into a fish again and the man became the island of Samosir.